


The Five Stages

by Christian_Rose_99384



Series: Ereri One-Shots [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending?, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, TW: Conversion Therapy mention, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 07:09:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11375142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Christian_Rose_99384/pseuds/Christian_Rose_99384
Summary: Levi is leaving.Based off the prompt "I don't hate you. I never could hate you. That's the problem."





	The Five Stages

**Author's Note:**

> I want everyone to refer to the tags before reading. There are some things in here that are very sensitive, but it's not in detail. Read at your own discretion.

-May 2nd, 1993-

Levi had a dark look in his eyes. Dark, so dark with sadness, gloomy like a cloud filled with potential for a disastrous storm. His breath was slow, deep, strong like wind. All it was doing was making Eren more and more afraid of what was to come.

“Levi?” He asked quietly. Eren’s fist clenched around the knob of the front door. His heart was already pounding in his chest, his stomach had already met the floor. The back of his neck felt chilled, like a wave of ice water being poured over his head. “What’re you doing here? It’s late…”

“I’m leaving.” Levi’s voice echoed around in Eren’s head. He couldn’t get himself to move, to speak, to even fucking breathe, just to stand there and listen to his heart skip beat after beat in fear. “I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice.”

_**Denial** _

Eren slowly began to shake his head, confusion filling his features. As he stepped out into the chilled night, an incredulous smile grew on his face and a humorless chuckle left his lips. “You’re kidding. You can’t leave.”

“I’m so sorry, Eren.” Levi shook his head, his Adam’s apple bobbing from a thick swallow of apologizes and despondence. “I wish it was different… But it’s not.”

Eren noticed Levi’s eyes were ringed with a pinker hue than usual. Levi never cried. If he cried, that meant this was real, that this was serious.

“You have to be joking.” Eren spoke as he denied every word, his voice slightly more hoarse, chest a little tighter, mind a little foggier. “You _can’t_ leave. I need you here…”

“I’m… I can’t be with you anymore, Eren. _I am sorry_.”

_**Anger** _

Eren was silent for a long moment, just looking at Levi until his eyes began to glimmer with anger. He couldn’t believe Levi was doing this to him. That Levi just stepped up to his door and told him this, no warning, no sugarcoat, he just dropped that horrifying bomb on top of him.

“ _Why_!?” Eren hissed, brows pinching together, causing the skin between them to roll and crease. “Why is it that you have to leave?”

“Because I’m moving away. Away from you.” Levi looked down in submission to Eren’s maddening gaze. “I have no choice.”

“You’re lying. You _do_ have a choice. Did you even ever love me? Have you always hated me so much that you’re running away like a fucking coward?” Eren aimed to cut with his words. Anger wasn’t something you noticed in yourself. It grew and grew until it boiled over and ruined any calm, rational situation. With Eren, it took second for him to become completely livid. Now Levi was getting the brunt end of it.

Eren didn’t care that he saw Levi jerk back and tense up subtly when he gestured with his hands wildly. Eren didn’t have the mind to realize that he was actually hurting Levi more and more. Didn’t care when Levi looked up, face completely blank. Didn’t care that the way Levi stood resonated with his heart, knowing that Levi was scared, upset, angry at himself, so horribly closed off.

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. That’s the problem.” Levi said, voice gone to monotone. Shut down from all of his emotions and truly numb. He couldn’t deal.

“So this is my fault!? That’s what you’re telling me!?” Eren cried, voice rising without a care that the neighbors would hear them arguing. “What the _fuck_ , Levi. What the _fuck is wrong with you_.”

Levi stayed silent, just staring up at Eren with a disinterested look. Eren couldn’t breathe normally anymore. Tears were building, from what emotion, anger or sadness, he didn’t really know.

_**Sadness** _

“It’s my fault?” Eren whispered, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. “This… This is my fault? What… What did I say? What was it that I did to make you…”

“You were yourself. You made me fall for you.” Levi sighed, turning away from Eren as he scuffed at the floor with his shoe and stuffed his hand into his jacket pockets. “But, you’re not to blame. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine.”

“How? How it is not my fault?” Eren muttered, his tears falling onto his shirt and wetting the fabric. “How is it yours?”

Levi sucked a breath in, turning his head towards Eren just slightly. There was no point in hiding it further. “My grandparents found out. The church recommended that I ‘seek help’. So, we’re going across the country to this thing where they think I’ll be cured.”

“What? Those still exist? In the nineties?” Eren hiccuped quietly afterwards, hands and arms itching to move closer to his boyfriend.

Well, it seemed that he may not be… his boyfriend anymore.

_**Bargaining** _

“Can’t you just tell them it won’t work? You’re- We’re gay, _not_ sick.” Eren asked, taking a single step closer to Levi. “Or… Or if we didn’t see each other in public anymore? If we’re more careful about it? Or if we don’t go to the park and make out anymore? I don’t- There _has_ to be someway.”

“No. We’re already packed up.” Levi sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at his feet with a frown Eren could see even in the dim light. “I’ll be back as soon as I turn eighteen in seven months. I have enough money saved up from work to bus my way back.”

“What about graduation? I don’t want to do that without you.” Eren whispered, fresh tears pricking his eyes. He _wouldn’t_ cry anymore. No. He would stay strong. This is just as hard for Levi as it is for him.

_This is just as hard for Levi as it is for him._

“What about… What about your graduation? What if they hurt you?” Eren whispered, brave enough to reach out and touch Levi’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to come back beaten or hurt or-”

Levi turned, taking Eren’s face into his hands. The emotion was in his eyes now, not showing on his face, but whatever was in his eyes made Eren calm down ever so slightly. “Don’t think about that, alright? That bullshit doesn’t matter. I’ll run before that happens.”

“But-” Eren started but he could get more out before Levi’s lips were on his, gentle, passionate, too much of a goodbye for Eren to really enjoy.

He wrapped his arms around Levi’s waist anyway, kissing him back with wordless love even though it was too wet, too sloppy, and it tasted salty from tears having been shed between them. It made Eren feel better to feel Levi pressed against him, and it did the same for Levi. It reminded them that they didn’t want to give up. They had been together for nearly two years and known each other since elementary. This wouldn’t break them apart.

They _refused_ to have this taken from them just as almost everything else had.

_**Acceptance** _

“I’ll miss you.” Eren breathed as they pulled apart, a string of saliva connecting them that made Levi cringe when he noticed it. “Will you have access to a phone?”

“Probably not.” Levi murmured, pulling Eren in for a tight hug. _I’ll miss you, too._

“When are you leaving?” Eren asked into Levi’s shoulder, his fingers gripping at the hoodie that smelt like the Pine-Sol he used to clean the floors every day.

“Tomorrow at six in the morning.”

“So, this is goodbye for a while?” The crack in Eren’s voice didn’t go unnoticed. Levi could only nod his affirmation to Eren. They had been each other’s safe place, each other’s support when nothing else was working. When they couldn’t think due to anxiety, when they couldn’t eat because they felt sick.

When Levi had walked in, bruised from his grandparents ‘punishments’, Eren knew their friendship had gone from platonic only to be put somewhere he couldn’t quite figure out at that point. Eren wanted to protect him, but to protect someone who was being hurt by their caregivers… it was near impossible. He couldn’t call the police because it was rare that Levi was actually beaten enough to have evidence, couldn’t tell his parents because they’d simply tell him not to stick his nose in another’s business. Besides, the police in their county didn’t really do their job and very rarely actually did any investigating.

What was he to do?

Nothing. Just be there for his boyfriend and hope everything would turn out alright.

Levi pulled back, looking up at Eren with his blank expression. “I have to go before they realize I’m gone.”

Eren frowned, but nodded all the same, looking at the person he had come to love. They hadn’t said that, not yet, the three words were something of a sensitive subject for Levi. Trust was hard for him.

But Eren knew without the words that he returned his feelings, the sentiment blatant in each kiss and gentle touch.

“Call me as soon as you have a chance.”

“I will.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything, I guess.”

Levi was silent for a moment before he nodded, his gaze leaving Eren to look off to the side. _Thank you, too._

“I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. See you later, Eren.”

Eren watched Levi walk down the porch steps, his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets as he slowly faded out in the darkness of the night.

Seven months. Approximately two hundred and ten nights and days. Almost a year, but not quite.

“He’ll be back.” Eren whispered to himself. “Just a matter of time.”

When Eren laid down, he slept. He slept until morning, the clock reading seven and Eren knew it was official. _Levi was gone_.

“God, I hope he’ll be back.”


End file.
